Enda Kenny - 'The Enforcer?

Enda Kenny, the Fine Gael leader, is being thrust into unfamiliar territory as he reacts to Biffo's intimidation in the Dail. Like the squeaky clean class captain standing up to the school bully, Kenny is putting his boxing gloves on, and is threatening all-out confrontation with the Bruiser from Clara.

Biffo won't be worried. He is well used to getting the knuckledusters out. Kenny, on the other hand, is wearing a pair of pink mittens knitted by his Mammy. In boxing parlance, this is a no-contest.

As Denis Healey, former UK Chancellor of the Exchequer, said of an attack from his Tory opponent Geoffrey Howe : "It was like being savaged by a dead sheep".

Nonetheless, Kenny feels he has to take a stand. Deep down, he knows the electorate think he's not up to the job, and he is ultra-determined to prove them wrong. That is is biggest problem. He looks like an eejit, as he desperately attempts to assert his authority. Any messing in the school disco, and Kenny will be in there like a shot, rolling up his shirtsleeves and protesting "I will not stand for this! I will have to ask you to step outside."

Biffo and the boys will be rolling in the aisles. Biffo is the bullyboy who fancies himself as the toughest guy in Ballygobananas. Stick a leather jacket on him, a blaring ghettoblaster on his shoulder, a fag in his gob, and give him a posse of adoring (and slightly fearful) hangers-on , and there you have it - our new Taoiseach. In fact, our new Government.

Oink Oink!